long before i even started making my own websites, i've wanted to start my own online journal.

i often feel bad about myself, but no amount of social media can allow me to get rid of my emotions properly.
this is the start of my journey. everything is written in mc expression web. i may add a pic sometimes. NEWEST ENTRIES ON THE TOP.

I go by Hiiro when writing this journal. yes, the amagi one. don't go around calling me a jpn fetishizer. its a fucking anime boy. cry about it.

i dont even know where to begin honestly. but ive finally figured out how to insert pictures on there that will work and load properly!!!

its 8 am im hungry as fuck, two tests todaym i got locked out of my card because ive spent so much money on the latest mayoi card. still dont got him, im so pissed lmao

i'm done. i think i'm going to move away from mainstream social media completely. it's time to delete accounts i don't use or those that make my head go into wrong places. i'm already off tiktok, i would like to delete these accounts completely but i'd feel bad to let all of this work go to waste. i'm not gonna bother doing anything with it tbh.

time to change my passwords, clean some stuff up. i'll stay on tumblr but i'm not gonna bother begging for attention on my shitty art. i'd rather do something else.

maybe i'll start another blog? i honestly don't know... or maybe i should rework my website. i'll try to make it simple, text oriented website with resources and fun things. that would be nice i think.

(explodes)

con was good. not many people recognized my cosplay, but i had fun either way.. i commissioned an artist to draw jun for me,,, hes so cute. i cant wait to hang him on my wall,,, so precious... honestly jun is what makes me the happiest at the moment. i don't know why, but something about this boy that calms me down.

it's all i can do now tbh. calming down, getting my stuff done and preventing myself from having mental breakdowns would be nice...

i'm in class right now. i don't care anymore honestly. i just want my old life back, i want it to get better. it will get better with time, i just know it.

shoutout to the shu itsuki cosplayer ive met on the con <3 you've made my day maja

oh and im shutting down my tiktok accounts, probably all of them, idk if i will delete them or just permamently lock them but fuck this addictive app. time to be productive.

my bus is in two hours. i had to leave school early after crying to the school psychologist for an hour. my train is soon. i have no strength to go but i also really want to go either way. everything hurts. have i done something wrong to deserve all of these things that are happening to me?
no matter how hard i try to get better, become a better person, theres just more things being pushed onto me. nobody is telling me anything. even if i did something wrong - i have no way of knowing.
if you are reading this, you're all fucking pussies. get a fucking life or talk to me like a normal human would. you sicken me.

i've watched american psycho recently, i really hate patrick bateman's guts. idk i just do.

i need to change. i need to engage less in stuff that i know is unhealthy for me. there is something i need to do about myself. i dont want to lose her. everything is falling apart as i am writing this. i'm tired.

妄想妄想妄想妄

hi, i'm Hiiro, i'm 19 years old at the time of writing this. it's september 22, 2022.
i'm watching youtube, doing math homework. i hate math, math is ass haha...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eVTk_2zcaA

everytime i feel bad i end up researching murderers, i don't know why. today i had gym class, but since i didn't bring my clothes i sat in the back of the room. of course i started to read about adam lanza's crime after feeling awful after the day. seeing edits of that fucker playing ddr is all i needed to get interested to reading into it....

i've just remembered i still haven't organized my photos from spain, whoops. its been 4 months and i still havent done that. i'll get around to doing that today when i'm ready today.

https://youtu.be/STnd-x5aNcw

i'm going on another con this month. hopefully ill have fun this weekend.